Its just past 5 pm on a glorious sunny Saturday. Pam has been here most of the day as we spent several hours revising the 2nd draft of Body Perfect. The day was extremely productive – most have been the yummy Greek yogurt Pam brought along - we managed to review half the manuscript. So now there is even more of a push to get to the end of this revision and then send the manuscript for binding.
On a different note, this week saw me pay a visit to my doctor for a prescription renewal…a deed I had been delaying for as long as possible in order to avoid the dreaded words, “You’re overdue for a physical.” Before we got to that stage though, I was informed it was time for a tetanus shot. Not a problem; it was even combined with a pertussis vaccine. Vaccination needles I can handle, preparations for a physical are another story.
Scrolling through my electronic chart on her Mac computer, my good doctor realized it’s been nearly three years since the last tune up – er check up. I’ve almost perfected the avoidance technique where that is concerned, if only I didn’t need a prescription renewed! The check list started; mammogram, bone density test, and then with a glint in her eye – and I knew it was coming – she handed me the poop package for the colon cancer check test. She tried to be empathetic “You really don’t like this do you.” Don’t know where she got that impression. They make it sound so easy – a test you can do in the comfort of your own home without the need of a hospital colonoscopy. Really. Have you read what’s involved? At least with a colonoscopy there are sedatives and I don’t have to look!
Place several layers of toilet paper in the toilet bowl to collect the you know what. I don’t know about you, but if the idea of using a blanket of toilet paper to ensure the deposit doesn’t sink to the bottom of the bowl seems unlikely, you need an alternate plan. Suffice it to say that after 2 previous rounds of this fun , I’ve become adept at using disposable pie plates……
Use the applicator (??? – its not make-up we’re talking about here) stick to collect a small sample. Oh, but wait, not just one little dab, but two! From a different location – like next door? Smear a sample where indicated on the handy dandy little collection package. And just in case you forget, you are reminded to flush the toilet when done. Finished now? No, you get to repeat this process two more times! Then you plop – why not – the whole thing in an envelope, dutifully signed and sealed and put it in the mail. This is a new feature since the last time – I have to admit its preferable to dropping it off at a lab where all in the waiting room know exactly what you’re handing over. So, deed is done and the poo goes in an envelope to a PeeOh Box somewhere in a big city. Glad I don’t have to work in THAT mailroom.
Well that’s my tale of woe for this week, now I just have to decide when to begin the test and, of course, book the appointment for the physical. The mammogram, like the poop test, is a necessary evil and a tool to help me stay healthy and while I am trying to make light of it, really I am grateful we live in a country where these tests are readily available and paid for by the government.
By now Pam should be home; hope she’s not too pooped from our day of writing! :-)